Castellano Lesson (Don't Take Too Seriously)

I didn't write this, but, it is absolutely funny and more or less true,and pretty much describes my experience trying to speak Spanish in Buenos Aires.

(it came from here.)


For everyone who invested two, or five years learning Spanish, or for those who took the time on a crash course or just spent hard earned income buying phrasebooks, congratulations.

All your efforts and money will be completely useless in Argentina. But there is hope for you. It's not hard at all to learn the Argentine Language, in fact it only takes a few minutes as the following short read will demonstrate. Take the following Spanish language sentence:

Oye, ¿quien eres tú? Vienes aquí a coger mujeres en la calle y bailar tango con ellas.

(This translates to: "Hey, who are you? You come here to pick up women on the streets and to dance tango with them.")
But saying it like this will render you an ignorant tourist at best, or an inferior sub-human from a neighboring country next to best. With these simple ten, 12 steps below you will be able to make yourself understood in the Argie tongue:

1. Replace "oye" with a 1000% Argentine word, che. No one knows where this word came from, but many say it is derived from brazilian homosexuals, ironic since today virtually none of them are around. Wonder what happened to them?

/// Che, ¿quien eres tú? Vienes aquí a coger mujeres en la calle y bailar tango con ellas.

2. "Che", following Argentine etiquette, is ALWAYS followed by the word "boludo", s term to express respect and friendship. Its closest translation in English language is believed to be "asshole".

/// Che boludo, ¿quien quien eres tú? Vienes aquí a coger mujeres en la calle y bailar tango con ellas.

3. Quien is spelled the correct educated computer age way in Argentina, "kien"

/// Che boludo, ¿///// kien eres tú? Vienes aquí a coger mujeres en la calle y bailar tango con ellas.

4. Replace "eres tu" with sos vos. Unfortunately, all those verbs in Spanish which had you eating the corners of your textbook are officially worthless. Argentines use an entirely different 2nd person singular pronoun (vos instead of tu), and that means all verb endings change too, so the conjugation of the verb 'to be' is not eres, but sos. Enjoy learning all 25,000 verb endings all over again!

/// Che boludo, ¿ kien //// /// sos vos? Vienes aquí a coger mujeres en la calle y bailar tango con ellas.

5. "Vienes" must be replaced with venís. Again poor you, using the subject pronoun vos, has the effect of completely changing the spelling of verbs.

/// Che boludo, ¿kien //// /// sos vos? ////// Venís aquí a coger mujeres en la calle y bailar tango con ellas.

6. Take out "aquí" and use acá. Aquí is absolutely forbidden from use, as in Argentina this word sounds too much like Spanish, a language spoken in Bolivia, Mexico, Colombia.

/// Che boludo, ¿///// kien //// /// sos vos? ////// Venís //// acá a coger mujeres en la calle y bailar tango con ellas.

7. Here your options are a bit more open for you. You could replace "coger mujeres" ("to pick up women" in Spain and Latin America), with recoger mujeres, which is the correct way of saying "to pick up women" in Argentina. Another choice should be "buscar" mujeres (to look for women), which would fully disclose the appreciation of the chances a stranger has on getting chicks unless he handles the local language. On the other hand, you could leave "coger mujeres" alone, if your intention is to F-CK the chicks right there on the spot, which was probably what you were thinking anyways. But if you want a bit more privacy, we do advice to replace "coger" with "buscar".

/// Che boludo, ¿///// kien //// /// sos vos? ////// Venís //// acá a ///// buscar mujeres en la calle y bailar tango con ellas.

(ps ALWAYS replace "coger" with "tomar" or "agarrar" when saying you want to "take" a bus. In Spanish-speaking nations coger el bus is the correct form of saying "taking the bus". In Argentina saying this will probably lead to a response like "sure, go ahead, I guess you can do so through the muffler".)

8. "Mujeres" is a far too formal expression not a single Argentine would deign to pronounce. A more appropriate word would be "minas" (chicks), a slang which has also the benefit of expressing properly the high consideration Argentines have towards the feminine gender.

/// Che boludo, ¿///// kien //// /// sos vos? ////// Venís //// acá a ///// buscar /////// minas en la calle y bailar tango con ellas.

9. In Argentino, all nouns have their syllables switched so that "tango" became "gotan". So always reverse the syllables of all nouns, it's simple and you won't go wrong in your quest to fit in!!(But it isn't REALLY necessary, unless you want to be a real moron. If you do you are almost Argentinian!!!! KANGRETULAYSHUNS!!)

/// Che boludo, ¿///// kien //// /// sos vos? ////// Venís //// acá a ///// buscar /////// minas en la calle y bailar ///// gotán con ellas.

10. If you are in Buenos Aires, Uruguay and some other areas, further rules have to be applied. To be precise, within the borders of the described regions one should consider all territories below the Tropic of Capricorn, when Saturn fulfill its duty in the fifth house of Uranus, and Mars is conjunction with Titanus. And, of course, during full moon. In Main Argentino you have to pronounce the "ll"s correctly, so switch out "calle" with "ca-sshe", and "ellas" for e-sshas.

/// Che boludo, ¿///// kien //// /// sos vos? ////// Venís //// acá a ///// buscar /////// minas en la ///// ca-sshe y bailar ///// gotán /// ///// con e-sshas.

11. You can leave "en la calle" ("on the street") alone, as this is how every local and tourist ends up when their girlfriend or wife finds out they were carrying out the commands of this sentence. And presto!

12. You are speaking Argentino.

Spanish: Oye, ¿quien eres tú? Vienes aquí a coger mujeres en la calle y bailar tango con ellas.

Argentino: Che boludo, ¿kien sos vos? Venís acá a buscar minas en la ca-sshe y bailar gotán con e-sshas.

See, no difference at all!

(Don't take this too seriously)

What Does it Feel Like to Lead

I really like this,
when you watch it pay attention to the followers legs, specifically how the "light" falls mostly on her legs and body, much more so than it does on the leaders legs and body, this is where your attention is as a leader (after the connection). Just very well done in my opinion.

Giggle Girl

Sometimes she giggles when I do something fun, or different,
Sometimes she purrs, from the depth of her soul,
Sometimes she claws my back, or bites at my neck...

I don't even know her, still...

Love/Hate

I Love it when This happens!

Her (after the song ends): “I think I took over the lead for awhile”

Me (inside my own head): hum, When was that?

Me: “I love it when you do that!”




I Hate it when This happens!

Her (during a song, after hesitating): “Sorry! I was trying to lead.”

Me (inside my own head): WHY did you stop dancing? Please shut up!

Me: “Don't worry about it, I love dancing with you.”

Denver Memorial Day Weekend Tango Festival 2009

Another Awesome Festival in Denver as Always!

I only attended six milongas and no classes, which is good because when I started out I only anticipated attending two, thanks to a couple of good friends I was able to stay two extra nights. (I really want to attend Daniel Trenner's classes but it just wasn't happening this trip).

Friday afternoon I arrived in time to catch the last hour or so of the afternoon milonga, really only danced four tandas and got to see a few friends I haven't seen for awhile. The energy was good.

That night at the Mercury also was fantastic, as Extasis was playing (always a treat). I especially enjoyed the more danceable tandas (thats a hint, if anyone is listening). I did get two compliments on my musicality (I guess some people have a hard time dancing to Pugliese). The floor was not as crowded as it has been in the past, really it was just right, similar feeling to the crowds in BA. Floor craft was a bit loose but not really bad at all.

The Alternative Milonga Saturday afternoon, This is always one of my favorite milongas In Denver. The music was right on, and everyone seemed to be having a great time (smiles clear across the dance floor). I did see a video of myself dancing during this milonga and was somewhat disappointed with my posture when I am dancing in open embrace with a shorter follower, as I have said before video does not lie so I have some work to do (whats new!).

The Elegant Milonga Saturday night, is it just me or does this milonga always feel a little stiff until about midnight (maybe it's just coming down from the high of the Alternative milonga earlier in the day), still I had many great tandas with old friends and new, I really don't remember sitting for longer than two or three tandas all evening (a man has to have a glass of wine and socialize from time to time). Tara finally kicked us out at three thirty.

Sunday Afternoon Milonga at Cheeseman Park Pavilion, this is arguably one of the best settings for an outdoor milonga and picnic that I have attended, despite heavy rain earlier during the day, everything went off without a hitch. Photographers were a bit of a navigation hazard as they were not one bit shy about getting right out there in the thick of things (I would like to get a look at those photos, and videos!). Several people choose not to attend this milonga (fear of rain I guess) man did they miss a treat, it seemed like almost everyone that was there was dancing most of the time (I'm guessing around three hundred people) after eating I danced almost every tanda.

Sunday evening, SLEEP ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Awaking in time to catch the last four and a half hours of the All Night Milonga (in retrospect this might just be the best way to do this milonga, much better than going early and dropping into bed dead at 6:30Am) the best vibe happens during the wee hours anyway! After the music stopped and the applause died down, I got some of the best hugs I've had all year.

Ain't Tango great!

Cabeceo, the trip to BA really taught me a great deal about how to get dances with the followers I want to dance with (don't hesitate, just do it or miss out), and navigating in difficult situations.

I only had two gripes, both about other leaders at this festival;
1. Leaders who will not move. (you can never trust someone who is completely terrified in traffic).
2. Leaders who are only interested in long slow figure demonstration for a nonexistent audience, with a complete disregard for the music and others on the dance floor.

"Your Rhythm Drags My Soul"

Your violin inspires me,
Your rhythm drags my soul,
The bandoneon lulls me.

From

PORTEÑO Y BAILARIN
Letra de H. Marcó

The Paradox of Tango

It's not what you do, but how you do it!

We've all heard this golden advice of course.

The thing is, you want to make your dance memorable to the people you dance with (I'm going for in a good way), the point is that the next time they see you in the Milonga or at a festival in the future the person will say to themselves, "Oh yeah, I remember that person, I've got to get a dance with them!".

Everyone out there is embracing their partner, so your embrace must be developed so that it is unusually fine, unforgettably giving, totally connected, and not harsh in any way.

Everyone out there is dancing to the same music, so you must have a unique interpretation of the music, something that will, make your partner smile, or sigh, or make their heart skip a beat.

If you are leading, your followers should feel that you willed them to go where you wanted by some mysterious power, or that you could read their minds, or they yours.

If you are following the same idea in reverse.

These are just thoughts and ideals but it is something to strive for, every once in a while you will get a dance like that and you know that you are making progress.

These are the simplest things, and yet the most difficult, that is the paradox of Tango.

Stay in Your Lane A--hole!

A guy In Boulder bumped in to me twice on Saturday, once he was trying to pass me on my right(I prefer to dance in the outside lane if it is moving), once he was trying to pass me on my left.

The floor wasn't even that crowded.

What a dick!

I can't go faster than the guy in front of me Dipshit, and there is no way you can fit in half a lane without colliding with someone.

Why would anyone dance with someone like that?

Watching Tango Makes You a Better Dancer!

I watch a lot of videos on Youtube (at the time of this posting over 7500 mostly tango related). I know, I should get a life, but remember, I live in a Tango Wasteland. As it turns out this may actually stimulate the same areas of the brain that are used during the actual dance (see the link below for reference if you like).

I am not saying that one can learn to dance Tango on the internet, they cannot.

I know one couple that took a few lessons and decided they could study this way and improve their dance. They do dance, and it is unique. It is not tango by any stretch of the imagination, mostly a lot of very poorly executed big moves (volcadas, leg wraps, ganchos, etc... mixed up with a few snipets from other dances all smashed together) Painful to watch! Painful to be anywhere near them while they are dancing, yet they enjoy themselves (who am I to judge).

On the other hand according to this article once someone has a personal knowledge of a dance and has experience actually dancing the dance they can process what they are seeing and actually learn something purely through the visual.

There really is no substitute for one on one personal instruction from a competent instructor.

ref link

Also this

The Perfect Connection

You'll know her when you encounter her.

Sometimes when it happens you forget everything you know about Tango, no move or turn could be worth even a momentary pause of this feeling, or disruption of this magical spell you are cast under. The world shrinks down to two hearts beating and moving as one within the music. You breath as one, a single soul from two, alone in the music, walking, nada mas.

The Tanda ends, the music stops, the night passes, but the connection remains forever in memories and hopes.

I can still feel her.

What the Embrace Can Tell You (Tango Epiphanies 7)

There are times when you just want to dance with a person for whatever reason (mutual attraction usually) and you haven't had a chance to watch that person dance. Perhaps you are in a strange community, or the other person is visiting your community.

Your eyes meet, you make (or accept) the invitation to dance, and meet the other person on the dance floor.

This is the moment that will define everything.