When Cabeceo Goes Wrong

There are those people out there who are aware of the practice of Cabeceo yet do not know the rules or purpose of the tradition.

Awhile back I was at a milonga and a woman there (that I had danced with previously) kept staring at me even though I had made it perfectly clear that I was not going to dance with her that evening by not returning her gaze. I was with a woman and really just wanted to dance a few tandas with her and a few of the better dancers in the room without actively seeking out partners (especially partners that are horrible to dance with). Her stare was unceasing and at the point of becoming stalking, eventually she changed seats and sat at a table directly in front of me about ten feet away and turned her head to directly stare at me (I could not avoid seeing her obnoxious eyes burning a hole in my brain).

After a time I just looked over at her and said "No!".

Still she continued...

The results of her actions are as follows...Her evening was ruined...my evening was ruined...my dates evening was ruined...the people at nearby tables thinks that I am some kind of snob...my relationship with the woman I was with was strained...I left the milonga early...this woman is bad mouthing me throughout the community...If she shows up at an event, I want to leave..I will never dance with this woman, ever.

I do dance with new dancers, and even with dancers that have been dancing for years and just don't get it, but I am not obligated to dance with rude women, nor will I.

The great thing about Cabeceo is that even if someone turns someone down it's not counted as a rejection nor is it personal because no one was forced to tell someone that they do not want to dance with the other, and further it remains between the two people involved and is not a permanent rejection...only temporary.

It makes no sense to want to share a sensual intimate dance with someone who is uninterested in doing the same with you.